So I started to take my new steroids and no difference after a few days. Still feeling awful, I just plodded along working a little from my sofa and watching the kiddies play from afar. Andy was being a trooper by sorting the kids and dinner etc. whilst still going to work. The children went to School Holiday club for a few days to give them something to do rather than being stuck at home with me bored and not being able to give them their normal 100% mummy.

I did also order a few things online for them to do like decorating Christmas biscuits so they did have some activities at home to do that I could watch them do without too much input from me. I also spoke to them this week about everything that was going on with me and told them they can always ask me any questions. Harriet still gets emotional at times and cries because she is worried about me. I feel so bad and as much as me and Andy comfort her, I think she thinks something bad is going to happen to her mummy. I will keep reassuring her each day and lots of cuddles help calm her down. Who doesn’t love cuddles?

By Wednesday, I started feeling like I had more energy which was a great feeling. I was not back to normal but my knees stopped aching and I just had joint pain in my shoulder and ankles. This made a difference and I had a few good nights sleep. Andy had a cold and by Thursday evening when he came in he called the doctors because he was suppose to be having a WELLMAN assessment at the doctors on Friday and he wanted to check if he would still be allowed in the doctors with a cold. When the doctor spoke to him, she said he was not allowed to attend and had to get a covid test incase he had it! My heart sank as I thought there is no way Covid would miss me with my low immune if he had it! I was also worried for him, as you do not know how bad Covid would be for him. We went online and he had a test the next morning at 7am through drive through test centre. It came back negative, he did not had COVID! Yay! On Friday I was feeling more energised than I had done for months and did a bit of tidying, nothing major and wrapped some presents but did not rest on the sofa and walked about a lot more in the house. Well that was a mistake, On Friday night I did not sleep well and suffered all night and Saturday I felt awful and was stuck on the toilet on and off most of the day!

On Saturday Morning I had my telephone appointment with my consultant and I went through everything that I had done and felt all week. He told me off for doing too much, even though I insisted that it really was not that much! He said I needed to rest even if I felt like I had more energy, it was early days. He said to me that I needed to realise this is a journey and I would not be 100% for a long time! He explained that I would be starting Azathioprine on the 4th January and that the reason he did not want me to start over Christmas was because if I am in the percentage of people who do not take well to the drug then I would have a bad Christmas and not get the right care. He explained that for the first month I will need weekly bloods and Liver function tests and then every two weeks after that and so on. He said it is because it can affect my Liver and Kidneys and the side affects are not good if I do not take well to it. He did say, that if I do take well to the drug that he would be able to reduce the steroids and after two/three months I might be back to about 70% of myself. He also said that from meeting me and talking to me about normal life that 70% of me is a lot of peoples 100%. Bless him, that made me smile and realise that he is probably right and I need to slow down sometimes.

I have to give credit to my Children, who are being so good but I have so much mum guilt over not being able to take them out even just going for a walk with them all. Saying that, the announcement from Boris about tier 4 on Saturday means nobody is allowed out anyway only for dog walks or exercise if in tier 4! I have taken this news in my stride, we were having a quiet Christmas anyway because of me so ours has not changed very much. I feel for so many people who can’t be with family over Christmas but we all need to be careful and stay safe. I also read that now I am high risk so being sensible over everything. The children are so excited for Christmas and I love the magic they create in the house. It is a special time and they have not once complained about not being able to go out or not seeing Father Christmas this year or even that our Barbados Holiday was cancelled because of me! I have put on my positive pants and hoping they stay on throughout the festive period for my children and husbands sake!

This is how good I look when I am having a bad day!