So I was admitted into The Wellington Hospital in London. I live in Buckinghamshire so this was not down the road from home and all that I had was the clothes on my back, my phone and a phone charger that Andy had bought me on the way to hospital in a petrol garage. I really did think I would only be in one night, have the tests the next day dan then be allowed home. It was a Wednesday evening at about 5.45pm when I walked in and they seemed to be expecting me.

I was taken to the Accute Admissions unit and shown into a room. This ward was on the ground floor and use to be the old Intensive care, so they were big rooms but with nothing in them but a bed and lots of medical machines. I was automatically worried as I had to share the bathroom with other people and because of Covid and also the fact I hate going to the toilet (number two’s) anywhere else but my home. This has been a real issue for me over the years, I would drive home from work rather than go in a shared toilet and I have even driven back from restaurants to use the toilet. I am not a public toilet user and I suppose this is one of my issues I will have to overcome!

The staff were lovely, the nurse came in and took all my vitals, I had to do a covid test and also have some blood taken. I asked if she knew what tests I would be having tomorrow and she just said that they were just reading the notes from the doctor and a doctor on duty would come and see me soon to explain. They gave me a gown and ordered me some food. When the doctor came in a few hours later, I went through everything again with him, I was fed up of explaining it over and over! He then explained to me that my consultant who had refereed me would come and see me tomorrow but I would be having an ECG tonight and already had blood taken. I needed to do a urine sample and a Stool sample (my worse nightmare). Tomorrow I would be having a CT Scan with dye put through me to check my chest, abdomen and kidneys. I would also be having a EMG. I had no idea what that was. He also explained that my consultant had requested an MRI on my brain and all of my spine, so I assumed I would be having this tomorrow as well.

I managed to eat half a sandwich and did my urine sample but still no stool sample, had my ECG and then was left to rest. I couldn’t get comfortable in the bed and outside of my door which was almost see through was a Christmas tree with lights that just flashed all night. I tried hard to sleep but I just couldn’t, I finally feel to sleep at just before 5am! It was a long night and even though I was uncomfortable my mind and body eventually gave in and I fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up startled just after 8am and went to the toilet. I then went to my phone to take it off charge to find 6 missed calls from my mum since 5.30am and a missed call from Andy. My heart sank, I knew it was my cousin Kel. I called Andy first and he said have you spoken to your mum? I said Its Kel? She has gone? He said yes Ains, I am so sorry. I just couldn’t control myself and was inconsolable. I was also own my own and all I wanted to do was to rush to my aunties house and give her the biggest cuddle. I called my mum, she was already at my aunties house with lots of my family so at least I could speak to my mum and auntie. I just couldn’t stop crying and didn’t know what to do! I felt hopeless and just wanted to go home. I really didn’t want to be in hospital on my now with no visitors and grieving for my beautiful cousin. I then called my sister who was also heartbroken and then my best friend who was nursing her terminally ill mum so probably didn’t need me on the phone crying that my cousin had passed but we always support each other and always will. As I put the phone down, a doctor came in I was uncontrollably crying, she asked if I was ok and I snapped at her that my cousin had just died and I did not want to be here. She was trying to be nice but I just didn’t want to hear it. I snapped again please just tell me what is happening today? She explained that I would be having a EMG test at 12pm and then a CT scan at 2pm. I asked if I was having the MRI today but she explained that it would probably be Friday. I was in even more shock that I clearly was not going home today. I asked when I would be moved upstairs to a ward so I could have my own toilet and at least a TV or something to help distract me, they said it should be later today. My covid test had come back negative so I was allowed to be moved upstairs when they could find me a room.

The hours went so slowly before my first test, I would just burst into tears and look at photos of my beautiful Kellie. I spoke to Andy again who said he would bring me some clothes and toiletries up, he still was not allowed in to see me so had to leave them at reception. I also had more blood taken and was told that after my tests they would need to be put me on a drip as my Potassium was low. 12pm finally came and I was wheeled to my EMG test, all I knew about it from asking the nurse was it tested my muscles and nerves. It was horrendous, I would not recommend!!! Basically it all started off ok, It was like an ECG apart from the sent electric shocks to my legs and arms to test if my nerves were reacting, it was uncomfortable but not painful. Then suddenly with no explanation she changed to sticking needles into my muscles in my legs and arms then moving them to see what is showed on the screen. Painful is an understatement, I am good with pain but this was horrendous I actually wanted to hit the doctor doing it and I was not in the mood to be holding back. I expressed how painful it was but she just ignored me and then said I will do another one on your arm instead of near your eye to test something! I thought hell yeah, if you come anywhere near my eye with that needle I may lash out! I was happy once the 30 mins of torture was over, but I was in pain where she has stuck the needles. Electromyography (EMG) measures muscle response or electrical activity in response to a nerve’s stimulation of the muscle. The test is used to help detect neuromuscular abnormalities. During the test, one or more small needles (also called electrodes) are inserted through the skin into the muscle.

By the time I got back I had half a sandwich and then I was taken to my CT scan by a very handsome Radiographer who was carrying out my CT scan. This was a much better experience to my earlier test, he said that he would need to inject my cannula with some dye which travels to the parts of the body they are scanning, he said that whilst it travels it may feel like I had wet myself! I asked if I would wet myself and he whispered you shouldn’t but don’t worry if you do I won’t tell anyone. I was so embarrassed and all I kept thinking was do not wet yourself Ainsley. The Scan was fine, the dye was put in and the I went into the CT scanning machine, as the dye went through me it did feel strange and it felt like I needed the toilet but I did not wet myself, thank god! It was over within 15 mins and the handsome gentleman took me back to my room. He really cheered me up for 5 mins and also I have to mention another nurse that was so lovely, he came into my room and said that he had heard my sad news about my cousin and he had said at prayer for her. I thought that was so lovely and it just set me off crying again. When I got back to my room, I was hooked up to a drip for the Potassium and I managed to do a stool sample for them. I kept asking when I would move upstairs and I eventually got moved at 10.30pm that evening.

Me and my beautiful cousin when we were kiddies, Miss you Kel, Shine bright beautiful 💔