Wednesday came around quickly, it was the day I was saying goodbye to my beautiful cousin after losing her fight to cancer and god did she fight! As soon as the kiddies had left for school with Andy I couldn’t stop crying as I was getting ready. Andy could not come due to the Covid rules for funerals, as you were only allowed 30 maximum. My sister was driving me as I still was too dizzy and weak to drive.

By the time I got in the car with my sister to head to my aunties which was about 40 mins away, I had managed to compose myself. When we arrived at my aunties, my shakiness just got worse, Katie was struggling to find somewhere to park as there was so many people lined up in the streets to let off a blue balloon to say goodbye (as they were not allowed to the funeral because of covid rules) as my cousin made her final journey to the crematorium leaving from her mums home. It was overwhelming but so lovely to see how much she was loved by so many people.My sister just stopped and said get out here and she would find somewhere to park. I got out and managed to walk to outside my aunties house to my mum who was standing there, my shakiness was getting worse every second. Some of family could see I was shaking and asking if I was cold but I wasn’t cold it was the new normal for me. I won’t go through all the details of the day as it is private and Kel was a private person.

What I realised though when I got home after the crematorium service, that the more I cried the worse I got with the shakiness and dizziness. When they say stress and upset makes crohn’s worse, I totally understood properly after this day. Also the tiredness for me over the next few days that followed was awful I think I slept 4 hours during each day just to get through 9am – 4pm. I have decided that I need to find things to do to make me feel calm and relaxed. I have ordered some new books to read and downloaded a meditation app and when I feel like I am getting stressed and anxious to just take time out for myself. Self care is important right now and I have never really done much of it before all of this happened. Listen to your body, it will tell you what you need. I had still not been to the toilet either so could hardly eat anything as I was so full and bloated.

Fly high my beautiful Kel. 💙