I had a few more days to wait to see my consultant, so was just spending my days working from my sofa and resting when I needed to. I finally had a bowel movement but it was not what I expected, it was not as much as I thought it would be. I felt sick straight after and like I had run a marathon with aches, pains and fatigue. I was still getting pains on and off every day, just sharp pains that lasted about 3o seconds each time and it was sore to touch around my ribs.

I have explained everything to my children, which confused them especially when I told them that I had to have a camera up my bum so they could look inside my bowel. I had to explain to them what a bowel was as well, it was quite funny as they could not understand how a camera would fit up my bum! They assumed it would be a big camera and I explained through laughter how it was a tiny camera on a tube that they put up to see what was making mummy poorly. I told them I got to see the screen whilst it was happening which Harriet could not seem to get her head around, why was I not put to sleep like her when she had her operation this year on her finger? I assured them if did not hurt, even though it was very uncomfortable just so they were not scared about having any procedures they may need in the future. I am also worrying that any of my children may end up with Crohn’s as I believe it can be hereditary. I really am hoping I have not passed on this disease to them! I also showed them my photos of the colonoscopy that was sent to me with my diagnosis which was a funny moment as they were all disgusted that they were looking inside my bowel. I want them to realise it is ok to talk about this with me and I will always be honest with them.Their Mummy has never been this ill since having them so it’s new for them as well. I also came across The Crohn’s and Colitis UK charity, it has some brilliant information on this site. I joined the membership which helps the charity with a monthly donation but also they send you a card you can show in any shop or establishment in the event of suddenly needing the toilet so they let you use there toilet because of having the disease which does cause you to need the toilet and quick! They also send you a radar key, this opens lots of disabled and public toilets so this will be a great thing to keep on my keys incase of an emergency when I am out. However, I still need to come to terms with the fact that I may need to use toilets other than my home in emergencies! This is my own issue that I will deal with when faced with it for the first time, at the moment I am just at home and not out and about anyway. I also joined the Crohn’s and Colitis UK Facebook forum which is for people with Crohn’s or Colitis where everyone asks each other for advice and everyone gives each other support. It is a great private group that I have already learnt so much from and also I asked some questions and got some really supportive responses. I am so glad I found the group, as you suddenly realise you are not on your own and they all understand what you are going through and how you are feeling. I feel this is a huge source of information and I have been looking at it every day, learning more about my illness which is not going to change who I am just maybe make me look at life slightly differently and I maybe a little slower for a while.

Over the weekend, I had more devastating news that my best friends mum had passed after battling cancer, I was distraught for her and just gutted I never got to say goodbye to most beautiful women who had been in my life since I was young. She will forever be in my heart, I felt totally hopeless to my bestie because if I was not ill, I would of just got in my car and gone to her just to hold her and tell how much I love her and will always be here for her. She is my rock and I had to do all this this over the phone rather than in person, I was annoyed and upset with my body for having this disease and stopping me being the friend I needed to be right now. Again over the weekend because of many tears and heartache the shakiness got worse again and the tiredness hit hard. Life is cruel and right now seems to be taking too many people from this earth far too young and that I love! I am usually a really positive person and over the last few years I have tried to remove any negativity in my life, including the negative people. However I am really struggling right now with positive thinking and I know I need to get out of this slump so I can be there for the people who need me and for myself!